if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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