everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
