Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
