called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
