Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
