Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
