i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
