Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
