I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
