You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
