Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
