I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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