Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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