he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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