I'm jealous of your bromance
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
