I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
