I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
