Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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