he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
