ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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