You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
