please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
