The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
