The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
