I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
