Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
