I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
