Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
