he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
