I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
