To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
True strength comes from lack of pants
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
