The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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