Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
