i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
