they said they heard you say put it in my butt
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
