Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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