I just threw up on my dentist
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
