My liver just broke up with me...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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