Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
