I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
