I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
