i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
