Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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