i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
