where am i from again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
