I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
