and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
