y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
