I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
3pm strippers are depressing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
