hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
