I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
